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Have a choice between two loves? Sometimes we choose well. And we frequently end up with regrets that we carry to our graves. I thought about this Saturday because of a woman I met and talked with. Although the specifics of her story are very different from what happened to me, the feelings she described were enough to remind me of where I was four years ago this month. With one guy, she feels the magical connection that most of us want to feel and that a few of us have felt in a very real way.

But that relationship had problems. It had great highs, but great lows. She saw things in him that she knew needed work — for both of them. The other guy is completely different. He needs her — and wants her — so much that she feels guilty. The first guy is about to move to the other side of the country. As Ashley told me her story, I flashed back to July of In my own way, I was torn between two women. In the spring and early summer of , the first woman and I had talked a lot of marriage. She was very much in love with me, and she wanted to marry me.

By early July, I had decided that was what I was going to do. I took a weekend to think about it to be sure. I realized that marrying her was what I wanted. On Saturday, July 5, , I arranged to meet the second woman at a restaurant to talk, so I could break the news. I knew she was going to be hurt, but I had no idea what the night was going to be like.

I felt terrible telling her that I was going to marry someone else. So I felt guilty. Even though I knew I loved the first woman, I felt that I must be doing something wrong.

She told me about how she had grown so much since she had known me and that she was afraid of what would happen to her without me. We started talking at about 7 p. We moved to stand in the parking lot near our cars for another hour or two. Then we moved to the parking lot of a nearby convenience store. She begged me to change my mind. I tried to explain why I needed to marry the other woman — that I loved her and that we were more compatible — but it was gut-wrenching.

As I drove home, I felt drained and miserable. And the more I thought about that, the more I found excuses to justify delaying a decision. I waffled back and forth. To make a long story short, early in the week, I made one of the worst decisions of my life. I was refusing to make a definitive decision. For the next six months, I talked to both of them. The one I loved begged me to marry her, and I knew it was what I wanted.

I did finally buy an engagement ring for her, which I still have. I talked to the other one, too. She was hoping the first woman would be out of the picture and she could finally have me.

I felt guilty, loving one but not wanting to hurt the other. Almost seven months after that fateful night in early July, the decision was taken out of my hands. The woman I loved gave up on me and moved on. It destroyed me in ways that I will never be able to explain to anyone. I eventually started seeing her regularly, but there was never any real feeling or connection there, despite the fact that I tried to force it.

Eventually, she realized that I was never going to love her and she realized that I was always going to love the other woman, so my back-up plan walked out of my life later that year. I had two choices of really wonderful women. I was in love with one of them. The other one could have been a good and stable wife, even if I could have never had the connection I had with the first.

When I talked with Ashley Saturday, I gave her two pieces of advice. First, I said, do what your heart says. Second, I told her, make a choice. I told her which choice made sense to me — based on what she was saying — but I told her whether she agreed or not, she had to make a choice.

And she had to trust her gut. I have no idea what choice Ashley will make. We had a long and intense conversation Saturday afternoon, but I might never hear from her again. I gave her my card and asked her to let me know what she did. After she walked away, all I was left with was to ponder my own history — and my own devastating loss.

I watched the love I wanted and needed get washed away because of my indecision. I pray Ashley chooses better than I did, because failing to choose leaves a person with regrets that will remain until his or her dying day. Please follow and like us:


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